The Algorithm

If the walls Google could talk I’d need to go into exile. I won’t be alone with this i’m sure/hope, but I used to spend a lot of time typing my deepest secrets into google. Carefully articulating what no other knew into that little search box and nervously hitting search. I was nervous for nothing other than what the information I was about to read would say.

I was often seeking validation. Validation, and by extension, an answer to the reoccurring question: “Surely I’m not the only one?!”. I was hoping to see reams of forum or blog posts, tweets, hell - even adverts that might suggest that what my body was going through was normal. Is the embarrassing situation that I found myself in normal? Does anybody agree that a certain celebrity or TV character was stupid? The challenging thoughts of a person trying to figure themselves out and coming to terms with their true self, free from judgement, ridicule or humiliation.

…I might have just described seeing a therapist.

I’ve been using tech for most of my life from 13+ and although I was a bit more naive back then, I wasn’t blind to the fact that Google was probably quietly taking notes. I wasn’t seeing any ramifications of my incriminating e-paper trail, and as far as I could tell Google was making a “shush” 🤫 gesture and giving me a wink as if to say “Your secret is safe with me, Andy”.

I felt unwatched and unjudged for a long time until around ~2019 there was a shift and we entered a world of “The Algorithm”.

Although it didn’t appear in the Webster’s New World Dictionary until 1957, the word ‘Algorithm’ has been around in many etymological forms since the 1600’s. Firstly with a Latin origin ‘Algoritmi’ which was a translation from Arabic work by Mathemetician al-Khwarizmi, a mathmatician renowned for his work on Algebra. This later was evolved into ‘algorismus’ in medievil Latin, followed later in the 17th Century to 'algorism' before resolving to ‘algorithm’ in modern English. It’s not a new word, that much is clear. During my studies in Computer Science, the word was synonymous with mathematical and logical routines that formed the theoretical basis of computers and programming. If you had asked me back then if the average 14 year old would know the term I’d have laughed and said "probably not".

Fast-forward to 2025 and you’ll be hard pressed find anybody, even your average 14 year old, who hasn’t heard of the word algorithm. It has found its way into the modern zeitgeist. I’d wager though that almost all who use the term wouldn’t be successful in giving any more of a vague, hand-wavey explanation of what ‘The Algorithm’ let alone an algorithm is. However, it seems to be ubiquitously understood though that "The algorithm" is the brain behind the content that we see without us actively requesting it. "The Algorithm"… Like some all seeing entity you can point to or some puppet master made of bits and bytes that does and you magically see content that you love, or will likely love.

These algorithms have never made killing time online easier. They have all ears and eyes open to what you’re doing, watching, listening to, scrolling by, pausing briefly on, and ignoring; fine-tuning their perception of you in order to feed you something it thinks that you like more. Except, what if I don’t actually want it to listen?

I’ve found myself in a strange situation with a peculiar predicament that I only recently consciously caught myself doing, and that is avoiding google and content engines. I've found myself not wanting to watch self-help videos due to the avalanche of content I'll be force fed over the coming weeks. I can feel "The Algorithm" heavily tuned to certain topics and even interacting with the curveballs that it throws me will dim my online experience. I’ve had friends destroy entire accounts after falling asleep to a youtube playlist and waking up to a complete inability to change the fait of their feed. I’ve now found myself not wanting to ask my favourite online therapist questions. I know that if I do, no matter where I go or how hard I try my secrets will follow me around the Internet.

This can be described as ‘Algophobia’ - the fear of Algorithms however this still doesn’t feel quite right; it’s not so much a fear as an annoyance or disturbance. I'm more creeped out by its attentiveness than scared of it. I’ve tried researching words with all sorts of etymological roots. Algoparanoia or Algorithmic Anxiety sounds correct - the general paranoia of algorithms tracking my behaviour.

As somebody who is forced to live on the Internet as part of their profession, I find myself unsuccessfully trying to ignore it. The Japanese have an expression “Shiranai furi wo suru” is "to pretend you don't know someone when you pass them on the street” which desribes the situation rather eloquently.

The point is, I can’t help but feel that I’m severely altering my own online habits in an effort to remain hidden. The not-so-distant Internet has been flipped on its head and I’ve never felt more judged, watched and badgered in an attempt to hold my attention, clicking adverts or purchasing some products. It's a very disturbing feeling knowing that engaging with addiction or self-help content is being weaoponised and often ironically making you addicted to scrolling, all in the name of engagement and profit. It genuinely makes me feel a bit icky. Second to this sad and a sense of mourning and loss for a fun internet that I remember not too long ago.

The Internet is due and deserving of a renaissance. There feels like very few safe, uncommercialised and moreover fun corners left, and people are becoming wise to this. Although I no longer need or want to Google about pimples and confusing experiences; I do however just want to lightly search "How to Crochet" without harassment.